Ashley Mattingly, lost too soon

 💔 She would have been 35 today, another beautiful angel gone too soon after bouts with alcohol and depression, she took her own life at only 33. 💔

Ashley Mattingly was born in Dallas Texas on September 10th 1986, and in 2011 was Playmate of the Month, also gracing the cover of that issue.

Her troubles became public in 2012 when her ex-boyfriend was convicted of domestic battery.  She fell into problems with substance abuse.  In early 2016 she was charged with DUI when she wrecked a golf cart into several parked cars.

She was living in Austin at the time she died, trying to get her life back on track.  Ashley had adopted a 9 month old golden retriever names, Miss Jean, to help with her loneliness and the "shelter in place" did more harm than good for her.  She posted a video to instagram just a couple of days before taking her life by gunshot.  Benzodiazepine and opiates were found in her system.

The bigger tragedy in our world is that we only seem to hear about things like this afterward, and only when it happens to someone famous.

This beautiful angel was lost too soon for many reasons, nobody is to blame but it shows that we need to be more mindful of our loved ones, pay attention to what they say and don't say, see through the "I'm fine" when we know that's not where they are in life, especially when they are on medications or might be taking something on their own.

I never met Ashley, wasn't even going to post about her, until I read her story, what happened to her and know how horrible loneliness is, especially when battling alcohol and drugs, it breaks my heart that she felt so alone.  People shouldn't feel alone, not anymore, especially in today's society when there are SO many ways to reach out to them.

If you or someone you know is having issues with depression and/or substance abuse, TALK TO SOMEONE, don't keep it all to yourself, family and friends are supposed to be there in times of need and few are as more in need than times of real loneliness.

Remembering Robin

 Today would have been the 70th Birthday of the great, Robin Williams, and the world is such a sadder place without him.  His loss should be mentioned with those like Elvis, Marilyn and Dean, gone too soon for reasons that could have been helped, and far too soon.

We saw a lot of Robin in the characters he portrayed because most producers were smart enough to give him the basics then just let him go, so many of his most memorable scenes were completely Robin just doing what he did best, go with the moment.  

Not enough people really get the greatness of, The World According to Garp (1982), and what it told us about Robin, how much he loved life and it's wonders, it's a film that should be talked about more often.  I felt it was better to start with this film because it was the first time that the masses really got to see HIM.  It was a bit odd, but also about the oddity of life itself and how one odd individual tried to live it, showing that, in reality, we're all odd.

I'm not sure how much of Robin we got from, Mork & Mindy, because sit-coms of the day were pretty structured and I know from reading about him, Robin didn't like that part of it, he like films where he had more freedom to just be himself and let fly, so I'm going to skip that part.

At the time, and for a long time after, Popeye (1980) really wasn't

appreciated, but in fact, it was fairly straight up with the classic characters, we'd just never seen them come to life before but it really was a Popeye cartoon just with real people.  Put it in with 1990's Dick Tracy and 1980's Flash Gordon and you suddenly realize that the movie was pretty good.  The soundtrack was great and I always felt that Robin's interpretation of the character was spot on, just not sure if people were ready to see it live on the big screen.

Many great films between, but when, Dead Poets Society came out, it really did throw some people off because of how serious the nature of the content was.  Yes, we got Robin, but a side of him that was more down to earth, a true Teacher, trying to enlighten young minds and enflame young passions with life.  To this day, I have to be in the right mood to watch this or it haunts me for a week, the realism of these kids and the pressures they were under pulls you in.  Keeting feels like he's teaching you as you watch it, you really get pulled in and live it with them.  Although the poster centers on Robin, the film is far more about the boys in his class, far and away more.

Taking on a true story, or even one just "inspired by" would

restrict a lot of people but it seems that, Adrian Cronauer though wasn't a restriction for Robin, in fact, it seemed perfect for him.  The over the top DJ from the war was just right and only lent itself to Robin's impromptu style, he learned about the man and just let loose.  Again though, there was the element of a younger bunch that his character was influencing when he suddenly took over the language class.  It also showed the darkest sides of war, deceit and betrayal of someone taken in like a brother.  But it left you with laughter as he summed up Sgt Major Dickerson in one line... you know the one... 

Then along came Disney, with the opportunity to have Robin let loose on the silver screen in even bigger ways than he'd ever done, with a Genie and we've felt the magic ever since. He received an honorary Oscar for the performance, but many felt that it was also an apology for his being ignored for an award in, Dead Poets Society (which he should have won), but either way, Oscar didn't matter in this one.  This will be forever his best known role, even with the atrocious live-action film Disney would later make, Robin will always be Genie to the world.  We heard him sing, we felt him dance and we FELT the magic!  That was Robin's truest gift, we FELT it, in whatever role, he got to our soul and touched it.

Looking back, Adrian Cronauer seems like a test run for the role

that would be Robin's true masterpiece, Patch Adams.  This was more like hand & glove than any other role he ever had, he really was Patch... In this film, you feel all those other roles, you see the development and growth and blossoming of both actor and the person he portrayed.  Like Johnny Depp for Capt Jack or Robert Downy Jr as Tony Stark, Robin Williams was born, created, tailored for Patch Adams and the messages he had for the medical community and the world.  I've given away at least a dozen copies to young people who wanted to be Doctors, "watch it until you GET IT", is what I tell them.

So many films left off this list; Moscow on the Hudson, The Fisher King, Good Will Hunting, Hook, What Dreams May Come, Toys.... the man is truly one of the greatest legends in the history of all entertainment.

It wasn't until it was too late that we found out the deeper side of Robin, the issues of depression and later, starting to lose his faculties.  Robin died actually believing that nobody love him or remembered him, that is the darkness of depression.  I think I can easily speak for most of the world when I say he was one of the most beloved people to EVER honor us with his talent and the beauty of his soul.  Even though they say it was suicide, I still say that he'd already gone, passed from a broken heart and I feel that pain and only wish he knew how loved he was.

Keep an eye on loved ones, don't let yourself get caught up in the world to the point that you overlook those who truly have a place in your heart.  Depression, more than anything else, is a true silent killer.  This is something we CAN beat, a tragedy we do have the ability to slow down and sometimes stop.  Depression is as real as it gets, it affects everyone, weather people admit it or not, we've all had issue with it.  Don't ignore it, don't deny it, be honest with it and about it.  Nobody deserves to feel worthless.

We love you Robin and we miss you dearly. 💓

Let's lose depression instead of Family & Friends

From my own experience I can tell you how real this statement is. This is also how we lost Robin Williams. We didn't lose him to suicide, that's just what he used to leave us, we lost Williams to a broken heart. I believe that, for several reasons, he genuinely believed that he was and would always be alone, even when in the company of family and friends. Depression, compiled upon medical issues that affect ones memory can cause that depression to grow much faster and in harsh waves.

For how many people around the world that loved Williams, it's sad that he didn't know how loved he really was, and still is. As a fan since the beginning I can attest to how many times his performances and humor had a major impact on me.

 None quite like the film, Dead Poets Society, ironic that this film also had the issue of suicide and depression in it's core, and how depression can kill a heart far more severely than any gun.

Yet another of his films, Bicentennial Man, dealt with a character that desperately wanted to find his home, his place in the world and discover what was the meaning of his existence. We would even see a measure of depression in his character, Andrew, in spite of him being a machine.

Even in the biographical film, Patch Adams, we see it again, as his character contemplates suicide, if even for a moment, then shifting his own self away from the abyss and taking charge of his life, using his loss to motivate him to his goals, with even more determination than before.

Depression is very real, it takes people from this world every day, and there is no "one size fits all" cure, and never will be, each person needs to be cared for individually, by family, friends and medical persons, when needed. This is why we should never throw blankets, we should never put all those suffering from depression into a herd and claim that the same treatment is needed for all, it just doesn't work. We all have different personalities, we all react in different ways, so we can't all be "cured" the same way when it comes to Psychological issues.

Don't let people continue to be alone, be there for them, let them know you'll do anything you can to help them, do little things that might only have meaning to them, subtle or loud, whatever it takes to help them, even if sometimes it does mean giving them some space.

I'll say it, loud & proud, WE LOVE YOU & MISS YOU ROBIN!!!

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